Going for the Gold Part X: Bad

After playing League of Legends for over two years and accumulating over a thousand normal games, I finally entered ranked play. In my own, totally objective, assessment, I am skilled enough for Gold. My placement matches disagreed, and threw me into Bronze II. This is the story of my attempt to prove them wrong. This is Going for the Gold.

I fear my journey has taken a turn for the worst. I'm perilously close to being demoted back down to Bronze II. In my very first post in this series, I mentioned that I started out in Bronze II, but pretty quickly climbed the ladder and made it into Bronze I. I've been stuck in Bronze I ever since. I've gotten close to the top, but never actually managed to reach a promotional series, because I'd run into a losing streak. Lately, it's gotten worse. I did win a few games and I thought of this as just a temporary setback, but it's now it's worse. So very much worse.

I queued up for another game, hoping to get back on my way to the top. I had first pick, so I was able to secure my Karthus. As the draft progressed, I thought we had the better team. So did one of the enemies, because Summoner 5 dodged. I ended up lower in the pick order this time, and mid was available, but I couldn't safely pick either Karthus or Kassadin. I decided to try Swain. I ended up laning against a Malphite. First time I've faced a Malphite mid. But their jungle was Master Yi. He destroyed us. Also, my teammates seemed to wander around aimlessly and I was always caught alone. It was a terrible game. I went 0/5/1. No more Swain for me. Not for a long time. This game was too depressing. We were so thoroughly annihilated.

For some reason, I opted to try another game. I was desperate to get out of the hole I'd fallen into. Well, for my next game, I was last pick. I was forced into the support role with an Ezreal, so I took Alistar, not really knowing what to do. We laned against a Quinn and a Leona. I bullied them with my Pulverize and took a lot of damage in return, but I figured it would give Ezreal a chance to farm minions and harass Quinn without any reprisal. He didn't really do that. I got hurt and had to back off, but I had potions, so it was fine. Ezreal finally started attacking, but he got caught by Leona repeatedly. I saved him with Pulverize and Headbutt multiple times. He was confused and wondered what the hell I was doing. Eventually the pressure was too much. None of my teammates seemed to be very good or do very much damage. Our Shen solo top was the only one getting kills, and we fell way behind. Ezreal raged at me and Udyr. Udyr raged at me and Ezreal. I tried to just let it go and move on with the game. Of course, it only got worse. I ended up going 1/4/4. Other than the low number of assists, that's about normal for a support tank. We did make it past the 20-minute mark, as there was a surrender vote, but we didn't last long after that. It was another annihilation.

I now have 38 wins, 44 losses. I have a 46.3% winrate. This is all bad. But the worst part is my current LP: 2. I'd say something like, "If I can't turn this around, I'll be demoted." It seems like the appropriate thing to say, but it's not quite right. I can't turn this around. It's not possible. I want to take responsibility for this. I want to be the force that moves me up the ladder and toward Gold. I don't want to be the person blaming others for failure. Still, there's a point where reality interferes too much with that ideal, and I passed that point a long time ago. I can't win these matches. Either the matches change, or I get demoted. It's not within my power to turn this around. Coming to terms with this helplessness is a bit grating. I am done for now. I don't know when I'll play more Ranked games, but it won't be today. I'll probably play a couple of games tomorrow, but they won't be Ranked. Some day soon, I'll get back to this. For now, I need a break.